How many times can you lose somebody?

I feel like he's gone all over again, just when I was ok.  I feel like the knife slipped, and I cut where I never meant to.  The smug little bastard will probably read this and think he's won.  He hasn't won so long as I can breathe.  He hasn't won so long as I can hold a paintbrush, or hold a camera, or hold a conversation!
First he went away.  It hurt.
Then we broke up.  It hurt.
Then he said he was moving far away.  It hurt.
Then he came back, but he snuck past without letting me know.  It hurt.  A lot.
Then he cut me out of his life without my say so.  That's what hurts.  I never said you could leave you miserable good-for-nothing piece of shit!  I never said you could leave until I told you to go!

I feel there must be other people who know how I feel.  There must be other peoplewho have half-hour showers, just to try and wash the pain away; but are there other people who go through that same stage five fucking times!? Who's goat did I steal in my last life to cop this shit?

I just need to know that at least some of what I feel is normal.  Can somebody please leave a comment here to tell me I'm normal?  I don't even care if yoou have to lie to tell me; but sign your name.  I can't handle any more unsigned comments on this thing.

Signed with love, because my heart is still full of love despite myself,
From The Pretty Kitty.

PS- This may be my last blog post here.  I'm gonna start another, just maybe not here.