Southport.

Christians with bad haircuts in suits keep coming up to me and asking me if I know Jesus. There may be some kind of convention on, or they may just feel I need saving from the fiery depths of Hell because I'm not wearing a bra today. Either is possible in Southport...
If you've never been to Southport, I envy you. I really do. I love living on the Gold Coast, nowhere else yells "home!" to me. Southport is a suburb of the Gold Coast, so it gets points for that. In every other way, I'd rather be in Maryborough, I really would. At least in Maryborough you get a warning before you get stabbed; they at least yell "Oi! Skank!" or something. In Southport the stabbing is always a surprise.
I go walking here at night sometimes, just me. I fidget so much at home that it's the only thing that keeps me remotely sane. I try to talk to someone on the phone the whole time I'm out. I put my little ear bud thingies in, then it looks like I'm really enjoying a conversation with myself and all the crazy people leave me alone because I've out-crazied them (not really that difficult, when you're me).
I moved down to the Gold Coast to live somewhere near Coolangatta, and I've ended up in Southport. People who know the Gold Coast will know what an anti-climax that is, for everyone else, that's why God made Google.
Southport is 2 kilometres away from Surfers Paradise. (Hooray!) No. You're not listening. Southport is TWO THOUSAND METRES away from Surfers Paradise (oh...). Not much until you have to take a bus. Have you noticed how much buses cost!? The answer is quite a lot indeed. If I'm getting on a bus, I'd rather go all the way to Coolangatta...
... So I'm sitting, listening politely to this Christian man, as he tells me how much he hopes the Final Judgement comes soon, because he just can't wait to be beheaded. I get up, walk away quite fast and go hide in the sex shop where it's safe. I ask the girl behind the counter if she knows why there's so many mad Christians about today. She doesn't know either. I peer out the doorway to see if that particular guy is gone yet. He is. I go buy hot chocolate. That's my life. Yep. That's all there is.

Signed with love,
The Pretty Kitty.

Thing boys say.

This post contains a list of things which boys- or actually, supposedly grown men have said to me in the last month, in order of how much they amused me (least amusing first).

1. "Excuse me, do you put out?" - Yes I do, but not with you.
2. "Excuse me miss..." (good start) "... would you like to suck my dick?" - No. No I would not.
3. "Excuse me, ma'am..." (I actually like that better than 'miss') "...you look lovely tonight, and I was wondering if you'd like a shag?" - No. Very no.

But the winner is: "Show us ya tits, bitch!" No manners, and yelled from a moving car. What am I supposed to do, run beside the car yelling, "Wait, you haven't seen my breasts, yet!"? I don't know. I really don't. And can somebody, male or female, please tell me what part of that comment is meant to make me say, "Hey yeah! That's a great idea! I'll just strip off right here."?

This is not wisdom, this is simply logic.

Boys: Shape up! I don't care how big any part of you is and I don't care what you do or don't wax; just attempt to be a human being, and we'll all get on fine.

Signed with love,
The Pretty Kitty.